WASHINGTON (AP) — It was President Joe Biden’s first public appearance since he dropped out of the race, and the applause for him from the crowded auditorium in Austin, Texas, just kept going. He put his hand on his heart in thanks, looked down and, for the briefest of moments, took it all in.

The ovation on Monday was most certainly not for the stated topic of his speech but for what had come before — Biden’s decision to step aside in the 2024 race and throw his support behind his vice president.

Not to say it’s been easy for him. Ten days since ending his reelection campaign, Biden still is coming to terms with the political whiplash that he — and the country — have experienced.

Privately, the Democratic president is smarting over those who orchestrated the abrupt end of his 50-year political career and processing a mixture of emotions — bitterness and regret among them, but also relief at not having to run a grueling race against Republican Donald Trump. Nor will Biden have to confront the risk of what his potential loss might have done do his legacy and the country.

At the same time, the Democratic Party’s swift embrace of Vice President Kamala Harris as Biden’s replacement has sparked pride in the quick consolidation of the party at his encouragement — and also served as an unwelcome reminder of his soon-to-be political irrelevance.

Biden, to use a turn of phrase that Harris popularized, is struggling to make sense of what will no longer be, burdened by how his political future has ended.

This story is based off interviews with eight longtime Biden aides and allies, many of whom spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss internal conversations.

Biden never wanted to step aside. He was shoved slowly toward the door by an ever-growing chorus of Democrats. In the end, he willingly put aside personal ambition, and did so for the unity of the party. It was received as a stunning act of selflessness and he’s been widely praised. But that doesn’t mean he’s at peace with it.

“President Biden has goodwill for everyone involved, whatever their opinions were — and a deep appreciation for the values that we share,” said White House spokesman Andrew Bates in a statement.

In the days since sending his fateful tweet bowing out of the race and delivering his Oval Office address on the matter, the president has kept a lower profile. Reminders of his diminishing relevance have been manifest in both subtle and obvious ways.

The stepped-up travel schedule that Biden had embarked upon to attempt to salvage his campaign after his devastating debate with Trump is no more. Replacing it are policy briefings — often behind closed doors — meant to show Biden is still working through his lame duck era.

Biden has told aides he intends to run through the tape on his term in office and has tasked them with finding additional actions he can take before Jan. 20, 2025, to secure his legacy. But what those actions might be remains a work in progress.

Press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre acknowledged that Biden and the White House are still “recalibrating” after his decision.

“We are trying to figure out what the next six months are going to look like,” she said. “Just give us a beat.”

Even the president’s regular lunches with Harris on Wednesdays have taken on a new dimension, as the balance of power in their relationship has shifted.

Harris, days away from being the official Democratic nominee in her own right, has taken on a more visible role while Biden has stepped back. On Tuesday, she spoke from the tarmac in Atlanta on Israel’s apparent assassination of a top Hezbollah militant before the White House had released a statement.

The enthusiasm for Harris already has far exceeded what Biden could generate for this campaign. Thousands turned out for a raucous rally for the vice president in Georgia on Tuesday night. Roughly 8 in 10 Democrats say they would be somewhat or very satisfied if Harris became the Democratic nominee for president, according to a new survey from The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research.

No longer will Biden deliver the marquee address on the closing night of the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. Instead, he’s expected to speak on the lower-rated first night. One plan under discussion is for him to watch from the arena stands as Harris formally accepts the party’s nomination that Thursday.

Should Harris win — and Biden knows that how history will view him depends in part on how she performs against Trump — the satisfaction of selecting and positioning his vice president for victory and ensuring a graceful end for his time in public service may well win out.

Biden aides and allies insist that he’s happy with how his former campaign rallied to support Harris after he handed her the keys and with how Democrats — even those who abandoned him — rushed to embrace her. But at the same time, he’s had little patience for the paeans from those who pushed for him to exit and now praise his decision to step aside, aides and allies said. And he has had difficulty containing the “what-ifs” — he’ll never know for sure if he could have pulled out one last victory.

“President Biden appreciates the work of all of the members of the diverse coalition that is dedicated to defeating Donald Trump and the threat he poses to democracy,” said Biden personal spokesman TJ Ducklo. “He is focused on building as much support as possible for Vice President Harris and is pleased with the clear enthusiasm she has received so far.”

Outwardly, Biden has tried to remain magnanimous.

Rep. Lloyd Doggett, the first Democratic lawmaker to call for Biden to step aside, was invited to welcome the president on the tarmac in Austin on Monday and he described a cordial conversation with Biden to reporters.

“I think he made a great sacrifice,” Doggett told KVUE in Austin as he recounted their conversation. “And the country will be the better off for it. And Biden responded, ‘Thank you for calling for my doing this.’”

Still, Biden aides have expressed some worry to one another about how his lingering frustrations might surface.

Some pointed to his comments in the early hours of Tuesday morning, when a reporter asked Biden about his legacy with regard to LGBTQ Americans. The president harked back to to his 2011 comments supporting same-sex marriage that caught then-President Barack Obama off guard. It came off as a subtle dig at the former president, who in recent weeks was among those working behind the scenes to push Biden toward the exits.

“Well, I’m really proud of my position,” Biden said. “I was the first guy to come out for gay marriage. Remember that little problem with the Obama administration?”

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Long reported from Austin, Texas.

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